I Am Living Fire

It's been too long since I've posted.  I guess I just haven't had the time nor the subject matter for one.  But it's time to break the silence.

So today is one of the first days I was able to take for myself and it was nice.  My girlfriend and I played a game called Borderlands for a few hours and had a blast.  But then I stood up and went to the kitchen to get a drink and when I looked out the dining room windows I instantly got depressed.  Why?

Just like any other time I get depressed I started longing for the most random things.  For instance I've been on a diet for a couple months now and doing fairly well.  I've never in my life missed a certain way of eating or even thought such a thing could exist but today I found myself missing the things I used to eat before the diet.  Not in the sort of way that makes you want to go eat them for the taste but to make you want to eat them just for the familiar feeling of eating them again.  Hard to explain I know and extremely odd but that's just one of the things I find myself wishing I had again.

It also doesn't help that I've been under a lot of stress lately.  Life has had a firm clenched hand and repeatedly sunk it into my stomach numerous times over the past six months and I think that lately it's just been all closing in on me.  But I feel that in the next couple of months I will see significant changes in my lifestyle and my stress should start withering away at the same time.  So why is it still bothering me?

Well in these times I turn to a form of escape that can get the blood pumping and for me that is music.  More specifically heavy metal.  I think of a song by the band Otep called Ghostflowers and I hear this line.  "You want to see me burn, I am living fire."  I don't know about anyone else but for me it seems like a strengthening thing to say.  You want to see me burn but I'm already made of fire and I will stand strong like a blazing inferno and move towards my goal.  I could be completely wrong in the translation but for me it's empowering.

So with that I will end this post by saying that yeah things can get really low on occasion but that's just the back and forth of life.  If you let it get the best of you then all you're left with is the worst.